Adoption Language, Vocabulary Used in Adoptions

Since adoption first came about, there has been a certain language or terms used in and referring to adoption. This language, called Honest Adoption Language, is still used today. However, a new language known as Positive Adoption Language came into use. The language and terms originally used came up for debate in the 1980’s when many felt that different terms were degrading, embarrassing and offensive to the people involved in the adoptions. Adoption workers also felt that adoptism came about more frequently with the use of Honest Adoption Language. Some of the newer terms were designed to avoid the negative feelings, but many were still offended by them, mainly from the attention give to changing of the adoption language.

There are pros and cons to both languages. Many of the natural parents feel that Positive Adoption Language sugar coats some of the painful aspects of adoption, and is used as a type of “advertising” to encourage more adoptions. Honest Adoption Language is preferred by some cultures where adoption does not really change any of the wordings e.g. parents that adopted a child were still called adoptive parents or guardians rather than just “parents”. There are those who feel that by insisting on using “honest” adoption language is insinuating that not all other adoption terminology is honest.

Positive Adoption Language (PAL)

Some of the more frequently used terminology of Positive Adoption Language (PAL) is listed below along with the reasons they are preferred or discouraged:

• The use of biological or birth child is encouraged over my or your own child because the latter implies that the adopted child is not your own.
• When describing the adopted child or adoption, the use of child was adopted is preferred rather than child is adopted. The latter sounds similar to something that is going on all through their life and contributes to an adopted child losing his sense of identity.
• The phrase give up for adoption is highly discouraged because it signifies a feeling on not being wanted or valued for the child. PAL prefers saying place for adoption.
• The parents, according to PAL, are to be described as the birth, genetic or biological rather than real parents. Adopted children should always have the feeling that their parents are as “real” as the next child is. It is detrimental to the adopted child’s long-term well being that he or she feels the same sense of family and belonging as the non-adopted child. It is for this reason that the parents always use the term “my child” rather than “my adopted child” .

Honest Adoption Language (HAL)

Some of the terms used in Honest Adoption Language (HAL):

• When describing the mother, the use of birth mother should be replaced with natural mother, mother or parent. Using birth mother is an implication that only a woman that has given birth can be a mother and minimizes any other mother/child relationship they may have.
• One similarity between PAL and HAL is they both discourage use of give up for adoption because of the feeling of loss and worthlessness a child may feel thinking he was “given away” . The phrase surrender for adoption is preferred specifically since “surrender” is what the mother or father is doing when they signing off on their parental rights and responsibilities.
• The parents should not be termed as real mother or real father but merely as mother or father, the same as parents that had a natural child would be called. The adopted child should not be made to feel different in anyway from a child that was naturally born into a family and the “politically correct” use of verbiage is a first step towards assuring this. A person that is adopted will be described as adopted person rather than adopted child because he will not always be a child, but he will always be adopted.

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